The more of these “mom” experiences I have, the more I am in complete awe of other moms. I remember after I gave birth to my first daughter, Pookie, I saw women in a new light, with a whole new level of respect. I started to notice how many moms I passed by each day and was totally amazed that they had gone through what I had just gone through. Regardless of how a birth experience plays out, it takes a strength, a grace, and a beauty like nothing else to bring a child into this world.
And in those early weeks of new motherhood, I felt so incredibly honored and joyous to have joined this sacred circle of women. I felt like I had passed an initiation – and I was filled with a hope like I had never experienced. If all these women not only carried new life in their bodies and birthed them into the world, but did the hard work of caring for them and raising them, there is much more beauty in this world than I had ever realized.
My first year of motherhood had its ups and downs, complete with a mourning stage where I had to come to terms with the new “me” and had to start letting go of who I was before becoming a mother. This article sums up this rite of passage nicely. It actually took me until the Spring of this year to fully release the grasping of my old self and embrace who I am now.
And during the last three years, I’ve marveled again and again at the things that moms, as well as dads, live through with their children. All the celebrations and challenges and how we continue to rise the next day, again and again, to be there for our children and bring our best.
I’ve now passed through another initiation – I am the mom of two. Roberta Jr. is 2.5 weeks old and we are discovering how this new life as a family of four will work. I’m learning how to balance nursing her every 2 hours while also tending to the needs of a toddler and trying to meet my own needs.
I’ve heard that the second child is much more relaxed because they have to be. Their needs are not tended to right away like they were with the first. I see this possibility already, as I find moments where Roberta is left to cry for several minutes while I finish helping Pookie with something. I tell her I hear her and that I’ll be over to help her as soon as I can. Sometimes she’ll stop crying and wait patiently and other times, it sounds like she’s being tortured. And it works the other way as well. Pookie is having to be more independent and do more things herself because she doesn’t want to wait for me to be available to help her.
We are finding a groove and I’m learning to be a lot more relaxed with how everything goes down. Things will get done in their own time and few things need immediate action or attention. I’m focusing on communicating to my girls, as well as to myself, that I’m aware of what needs to be addressed, and I’m going to address it when I can. Patience is something we’ll get to work on a lot in the coming months! 😀
Moment by moment and day by day, we are creating our new normal. Here’s to another new adventure!