I love you.
Sometimes you and I have these amazing moments where we stop, look at each other, and lock eyes.
We stare at each other, seeing deep into each other’s being. And we understand.
I know you. And you know me.
At times we feel far apart. At times we clash. But the truth remains for us to see at any moment. An unspoken bond, an intimate understanding.
Sometimes those long stares end with a smirk and a few chuckles. Sometimes they end with you collapsing onto my chest with an invitation to hold you. Sometimes we do Eskimo kisses. Sometimes we make weird sounds and copy each other in a call and response.
I love these moments.
I hold them close always and especially during the moments that are hard.
From the beginning, you have needed your space. You were not interested in co-sleeping, you wanted your own bed. You accepted sleeping in your own room with an almost a sigh of relief.
You didn’t like to snuggle until about four months ago, and now when you want to snuggle, you remind me of a kitty. It doesn’t matter what task is currently happening, you will get me to stop, sit, and be with you until your snuggle meter is full. Then it’s, “Peace out!” and you’re off again to do your own thing.
You, my dear Pookie, have been a strong, independent, and driven young lady from the beginning. You know what you want and what you don’t. There is little persuading.
I have worked hard to find a good balance of consistent boundaries while also being flexible to how you would prefer things to be done.
I hear you. And I’m trying.
I’m trying to see things from your perspective and adapt. I’m also hoping to give you confidence and strength with the firm boundaries I have for you.
You currently resist diaper changes. The firm boundary? The diaper change will happen. The flexibility? You can choose where it gets done and how much you want to help.
We can always find a way to be a team.
Your independence makes me smile. It also makes me nervous for your pre-teen and teenage years when I see glimpses of myself in you. I anticipate that you’ll need lots of space but unconditional support when vulnerable moments happen.
My dearest Pookie, I make a promise to you now.
I will do my very, very best to always be present with you. To respect you and value your opinions and feelings. I accept you exactly as you are. When you are elated, running around the house laughing, and when you are sad and feel out of control.
You are beautiful, always, in every moment and I will do my best to help you see that.
Thank you for choosing me to be your mother. It is an honor to care for you, to help you learn, and to be by your side as you grow.
In the not too distant future, you will eventually go to school and do many activities without me. We will be apart from each other more and more. My greatest hope is that we will always come back together and find that understanding. The deep knowing that is waiting there for us.
I love you, I thank you. My heart is full.