It’s happening, guys. My time in Columbus is coming to a close. Yesterday was my last day of teaching at Capital University and teaching my private students. Next week, family comes into town and Rob graduates. The week after that, we pack up all our stuff and head out. How is it possible that we’re already at this point? Four years, gone in a blink.
But not really, it was hard. The days felt long, but the years seemed short.
Many people are asking what I plan to do when we arrive in Galveston. Start up a studio? Try to get a job?
In all honesty, I feel a pretty big change happening in all parts of my life. I plan to spend the first couple of months settling into our new home, exploring the city, making new routines, and finding friends.
For my work? Here’s the hard part, the part that I’ve been slowly gaining strength to announce. For the foreseeable future, I plan to take a break from teaching voice and singing gigs. I don’t plan to teach or accept any students. Maybe down the road, it will circle back and I’ll be called to share in that way again, but for now, I feel…resolved.
It started last semester. After my recital in October, the strangest feeling came over me as I walked off the stage after singing my last song. I heard a clear voice say, “I’m good now,” and I felt a strong sense of closure and release. In the past, I usually felt a rush of excitement, already thinking about when I would do another recital and what I would sing. This time, however, I felt like I did what I needed to do and I was ready to move on.
After that, I started to feel the same way with teaching voice, but I knew it wasn’t 100% complete yet. I needed to be there for my students, for their last semesters and recitals, and to teach them a bit more while I still could. I also needed to do one more Contemporary Voice Concert to give my students one more chance to perform in that setting.
Now that things have wrapped up, I feel like I can confidently say that I’m ready for something new. I did great work, shared what I needed to share, crossed paths with the people I was suppose to, and I am ready for the next journey.
I’ve joked often in the past about how “music keeps coming back to me.” I’ve tried to “leave it” many times throughout my life and do something else, but it always comes back. Perhaps it will happen again, or perhaps this time it’s different. Only time will tell.
I’m in a stage of life that is incredibly demanding of my time, energy, and focus. Having a husband in medical school and now going into residency provides its own challenges in life balance, then add in a toddler. It’s a time where my own desires for what I want to discover and put out into the world are often taking a back seat. But the more I push to make them more prominent, the more things feel like they are falling apart.
I am accepting that life has seasons and this is a season for growth in my family, not necessarily in my work and business aspirations. It’s not that my aspirations aren’t important or that I won’t be following them, but I’m doing my best to be more honest and clear with myself about what my priorities are, and what that looks like on a daily basis.
So besides settling into our new home and city, what do I plan to do? I plan to put Pookie in part-time preschool so that I have dedicated time to take care of myself, run and manage our household, and work on new projects. I have been reminded about the importance of self-care this past month with so much change happening and with Rob being away in California (Yep – he just returned home from a month-long selective rotation for fourth year medical students going into Integrative Family Medicine. It was a long, hard month for me!).
If I’m to take care of everything that needs to be cared for, and maintain some sense of my sanity and self in the process, I need some time for myself. Some time when all I have to care for is myself. Only then, can I be creative and work toward my personal dreams and goals.
I’m going to start there and then adapt as things settle and clear. I do have several projects in the works including some more writing opportunities and starting a completely new website not related to singing. I’m going to remind myself to take it slow though, and let things unfold naturally.
I trust that my soul will sing and create in new ways throughout my life, even though it may look and feel different in each stage. Here’s to holding dreams close and letting them soar when the moment arrives. <3