And reflecting on May and June goals.
So last week was rough. As many of you know, I suffered through a kidney stone and have lived to tell about it. It was as horrible as everyone says it is.
When sickness happens, it causes just enough of a momentary interruption in my routine and my goal progress that I feel like I have to start all over again. “Wait, what was I doing? Oh right…”
So first, let’s check in with 4 am wakeups. As with all difficult goals, this one has been ebbing and flowing. I was on a roll the first month, and was so energized and productive that I felt like superwoman! Watch out world!
Then, the sun starting setting around 9:00pm, which makes my body feel very unready for bed. It was a push to lay my head down around 9:30pm and then it took awhile to fall asleep. Trying to wake up at 4 am after that? No chance.
I made some adjustments to try to maintain somewhat of the jive I had before, but then it was time to go on our vacation, and I knew the early waking was not a priority during that time.
So…the next week (the first week of June) I was ready to get back in the swing of things, but…
The sun still set after I normally go to bed. Pookie was transitioning back post vacay, so she was starting the day by 6:00am, sometimes earlier. Frowny face. Also, I think she’s transitioning to the one nap a day gig, so that has been affecting her night sleep.
So that week, I think I got up at 4:30am once, but Pookie was awake by 5:30am, so I barely had time to meditate, workout, and check my email. Pookie got to play with her box of hair ties in the bathroom while I quickly took a shower. Not ideal.
Bigger than all of this, though, is that another obstacle has developed. It’s definitely happened before but I guess I was never aware of it before now (thanks meditation for making me more observant!).
Once I’ve been doing a routine for a while my mind starts to think, “Ugh, I have all these things to do”, instead of remembering why I’m doing them. The motivation and “the why” gets lost in the drive to maintain the routine. I go on autopilot, start to lose the energy, and hit a slump.
This “I have to” started creeping in weeks ago and really took hold that first week back from our vacation.
That week was also the week we started our new diet and “cheat day” plan. All that week I wanted sweets SO badly, and I kept telling myself, “I have to wait.” I was really looking forward to our Cheat Day on Saturday.
But ya know what? Saturday came, I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted (the opposite of the “I have to” I was saying all week), and my mind decided that now that it had freedom, it didn’t want sweets, starchy, or fatty food. It wanted vegetables.
Are you kidding me???
So what did I do? I forced down those delicious TJ cheesecake bites, just because! Juvenile, I know.
But then, at a cruel turn of fate, at 2:30am that Sunday morning, the kidney stone happened. I woke up in horrible pain, wondering how much of an emergency it was. Rob was out-of-town (naturally), and that was not a time of day that was easy to get ahold of people.
It was getting worse, so I knew I didn’t have much time to spare. I packed Pookie’s bag, woke her up, and drove us to the hospital. It was not pleasant. Luckily, the hospital staff was amazing and my friends came to my rescue. Hallelujah!! (abrazos y besos, mis amigos)
This was definitely a good way to put all the brakes on with any routine, goals, and current projects. Sheesh.
So last week was spent recovering and thinking through the last couple of months. Thinking about what I’m working toward, how to cultivate the life I envision for myself and my family, and how to be dedicated in this pursuit, but also balanced.
There’s a lesson here that I’m trying to figure out. So far, I think it’s about gentleness.
Yes, we must be clear and determined in our pursuits, but not at the expense of mental peace and self-love.
Is there a way to always be working toward a better version of ourselves and life, while also being content and satisfied with what we already have and are?
I guess this is one of the “life balances” that people often talk about. It’s like a little dance we do with ourselves.
But you know what??
I freakin’ love dancing!
So, maybe instead of “I have to,” I’ll start telling myself:
“It’s time dance. Let’s do this.”
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Hugs and love! xoxoxo